Rushing into my room after I got home from my date, I closed the door and jumped in my bed as my heart raced with anticipation, nerves, and excitement. I could not get his image out of my head. Not as I tried to sleep that night, or when I attempted to eat breakfast in the morning, or when I went for a jog that night. I was in love.
Have you had that experience? Whether you were in love or not, what made your heart start warming up at the thought of a special someone? Or your mind flash images of them throughout your day?
Back in 1997, a psychologist conducted a study about the science of falling in love. He paired strangers up and had them do specific acts in an hour and a half period to cause them to feel in love. He divided the experiment into three sets. Want to experiment? Grab a partner and do the following (warning, make sure you are both able to have a relationship with each other if this leads somewhere):
In both the first, second, and third set, the couples ask deep and intimate questions about each other. They had to open up. It can be difficult to open up about your inner thoughts and private experiences. But once you do, feelings of closeness start to exist. Are you afraid to be yourself and to talk about your real desires, wants, and experiences? During this experiment, push beyond this fear. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and see where it leads.
Looking back at the moments when I felt strongly about someone, it was because they asked me questions about myself and appeared to care about what the answer was.
Ever been on a date where the person never stopped talking about themselves? In the end, they might want to take you out on another date, but you couldn’t care less whether you saw them again or not. They are puzzled and wonder what went wrong. They had a great time and thought you did too. Of course they did. They shared everything about themselves and never gave you a chance to open up! That feeling of closeness never took place within you.
3. Intimacy related behaviors
Stare into each other’s eyes as you answer each question. This might make you uncomfortable at first, but don’t look away. Lean close to one another, as if you are sharing secrets only for your ears and on one else’s. This part was always hard for me when I was starting a relationship. I could feel myself blushing. And my heart felt like horses were galloping inside and would burst out of my chest at any moment. It felt so intimate…but oh so good.
Non-verbal communication is one of the most important parts of relationships. How you look at someone, how you act towards them, the simple things you do for them, those make a difference in whether someone wants to be with you or no.
Did you try this experiment? I would love to hear your results. If you did not attempt it, I would love to know what you thought about it. Open up and share;-)
(Follow this link to go to the article. The questions are located in the appendix section http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf+html).
Laureen Oliphant writes, markets, coaches, organizes writing retreats, and converses with amazing mothers. Giving birth to her son was a pivotal moment in her career. It drastically changed her perspective of the world. Because she understands the value of being ambitious in and outside of the home, she created 2 Clarify. 2 Clarify is focused on empowering women who are growing a business as well as a family to find BALANCE & SUCCESS through clarity. Mompreneurs are great influencers. She wants to empower them to change the world.